10 Things To Not Hand Out this Halloween

This Halloween, as a service to yourself and others, please avoid handing these items out to unwary trick-or-treaters:

  • Groupons
  • Life lessons
  • Cash smaller than a one-spot
  • Autographed 8″ x 10″ glossies
  • Invitations to your own Druidic Samhuinn Halloween Alternative Festival; B.Y.O.G. (Bring Your Own Goat) please!
  • Mary Jane Peanut Butter Kisses by Necco
  • That stuff in the bag you found behind the other stuff
  • Christmas or Easter Peeps
  • Cronuts
  • Your ex’s DVD collection

If any of the items on this list seem perfectly reasonable and acceptable to you as a Halloween treat, please take the following precautions:

  1. Lock your home’s doors
  2. Shut off all exterior and interior lights
  3. Get in your automobile
  4. Drive to the airport
  5. Fly to a country where Halloween is not celebrated, and is actually viewed as a vile paganism whose observance is punishable by pillory, death, or mandatory attendance at a Rob Zombie Film Festival

Thank you.  Remember, keep Halloween safe and fun for everyone!

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